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For many years of his life, The Bearded Man was lazy, lethargic, and generally a no good piece of s#!t. Onlookers marveled at the situation, asking themselves: “how could this be possible??” How could the world’s sexiest, most daring, most naturally attractive man be content to just sit around all day, eating chips, watching cartoons, and generally doing nothing?? After all, wasn’t this the same god-like mortal that the deities of old bent over backwards for? Wasn’t this the man who was destined to live a life of greatness bigger than any we could ever comprehend? Well, we learned recently that this dark period in his life wasn’t altogether his fault after all. You see, evil scientist Dr. Archibald Bucephalus (and arch-nemesis of The Bearded Man) was up to his old tricks. Having discovered nanotechnology hundreds of years before the rest of the world knew it existed, he was the first to create nano robots. He slipped these nano robots into The Bearded Man’s unguarded coconut half one day by the pool, and the little critters got to work. The little things they did started to sabotage his brain. First they changed his hormone levels, messing with serotonin, screwing with his brain’s natural reward mechanism, and generally taking away his lust for life. Dr. Archibald Bucephalus is a sneaky old trickster, and his evil might have never been discovered if it weren’t for an accident years down the road. Exposed to an enormous electromagnetic blast (which also coincidentally briefly gave The Bearded Man super powers), the robots were destroyed. Slowly but surely, everything got better, and now, TBM is a world-class pimp. Now he’s high on life!
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